Wednesday, January 23, 2013

This Is Where I Live...

When I lived in New York City, it was hard for me to imagine living anywhere else.  I thought that I would spend the rest of my life there.  So much of me was forged there.  I use the word "forged" for a reason.  The action of forging a raw piece of metal includes burying it in an inferno and then hammering it.  Not only does this give it shape, but the task gives it strength.  It's a dirty process that requires a lot of energy.

I also use the word "forged" for another reason.  It means "faked" or "counterfeited".  I was living for so long in survival mode.  While on many levels, I was fulfilled and content, part of me was always struggling for some thing genuine and real.  The idea that the life you're living can be anything but "real", seems counterintuitive.  But so much of what I did was due to a series of events that were out of my control.  I worked to pay the bills.  I lived where I did in part because it was where I could afford to live.  Even the decision to have a pet was made for me.  "No pets allowed!"  But... the biggest concession... the biggest lie... was the idea that if you were an artist, you had to live in the City.

(A case for living in a bigger city to improve the odds of success in an arts career can be made.  The idea that one's ability to be a maker of images is intrinsically linked to a geographic location, however, is not necessarily the case and can be unhealthy, but as foolish as it sounds, it was a delusion that I was suffering from.)

I think when I started to be more genuine in my approach and made actions from a place of seeking something "true", some of the barriers started to dissolve and my life changed.  I embraced the change.  I learned to love, I honored my muses by pursuing a career in the arts full-time, and I opened myself up to the idea that I could be a catalyst of change and that if I wanted something, I could make it happen.  I was not just subject to chain reactions... I didn't have to be just another domino to be knocked down.

So, this is where I live.  It's not just a place, but a state of mind.  I am surrounded by beauty and can appreciate it.  I didn't realize that what I was being forged into was a vessel.  Closed, it remains empty and can only reflect the world on its surface, but when opened, it can be filled with potential and limitless possibility.

3 comments:

VanBeads said...

I have to tell you, Andrew, that I love this post. Love it.

I grew up in northern New Jersey and spent so much time in New York City as a college student... When I dropped out of college and went to work full-time, I would seek refuge in the galleries of the Metropolitan Museum of Art on my days off.

Then when my husband and I decided to relocate to the Adirondacks, I had a lot of the same realization. That was before I knew I wanted to be a bead artist, but when I knew that I wanted to be a writer and a musician. To my surprise, after we moved up to Plattsburgh, I discovered that the solitude in the mountains was just what I needed.

Don't get me wrong - I love the energy of New York City, and I go down as often as I can to visit with friends and soak up all that crazy, wonderful, city stuff, but I'm always so happy and content to return home to my boys and my little corner of the valley where we live.

It makes me happy that you've found happiness in your own little corner of the world.

Amber Dawn Inventive Soul said...

Andrew,
"(A case for living in a bigger city to improve the odds of success in an arts career can be made. The idea that one's ability to be a maker of images is intrinsically linked to a geographic location, however, is not necessarily the case and can be unhealthy, but as foolish as it sounds, it was a delusion that I was suffering from.)"
You are right! I always felt that if I left NYC I would miss out on having more success. It *is* a lie. I have had more customers, admirers and fans from other parts of the country and the world than in my own city. The Internet has opened up the *WORLD* to me in ways that NYC may never be able to do.
I don't want to be stuck here if I can be more than equally happy, healthy and successful elsewhere. Thank you for giving me food for thought for today.
Amber

Barbara said...

This is SUCH a thoughtful, thoughtful post. I think that all fine artists experience these struggles. For myself personally, after I completed my BFA, it was not in my cards to go to the big city, as I would've probably wished...and now I'm in a place where I resonated with this...where is the absence of what could be construed as compromise, we are actually creating our community, in whatever little town or 'burb we are in....and I feel a little like that is a task for an artist...whereas, it is easier to go to a large city and be surrounded by your tribe...now I seek to find and create my tribe where I'm at....although it is a heart wrenching and long tedious task. None of us as youth ever just decide to be an artist. It is as much a part of us as breathing. We have to do it!


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